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Thursday, February 26, 2004

I Now Pronounce You Queer and Fag 

Okay, this is an issue I wasn't really intending on writing about, but which won't go away. And nothing else interesting is happening at the moment, so lets give this a go.

So, let me start out by pointing out that the government really has no business defining marriage at all. Marriage is a religious ceremony, endorsed by the state for reasons of population control and disease minimization, as well as creating a basic microcosmic government union of the Family (See, those Sociology classes weren't a complete waste. Oh wait. Yes they were).

Anyway, as I was saying, marriage is none of the government's business. However, this also means that the gays really shouldn't care whether the government sanctions their marriage. It is between the lovers and their God(s)(ess)(es).

And this inspires another Sociological Rant to explain why the gays find it so important that the government sanctions their unions. As I said in the previous paragraph, all they need is for God (or whatever) to sanction their marriage. But Liberalism is practically synonymous with atheism these days. With no other higher power to legitimize their relationship, they appeal to the government. Its a form of worship, really.

So, what is my recommendation?

Well, the Constitution was meant to preserve rights, not limit them, so a Constitutional Ban is idiotic. The only time the Constitution banned anything was Prohibition, and that backfired big-time.

Gays should be allowed Civil Unions where they get practically all the privileges of marriage. Whether they have a right to adopt a child is another issue for another column. But tax-wise, and in all other ways that marriage benefits or harms heterosexuals, the gays should have their dues.

And all of us heterosexuals who can't get chicks should get huge government payouts to help us forget how much it sucks to be us.

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