Monday, January 30, 2006

Dove Season in Iraq 

After 9/11, a lot of the angrier, redneckier among us joked that the best way to switch an anti-war Dove into a Hawk would be to push them until they feel a need to push back. Thus, by learning about the need to defend themselves, they'd see the light and join us in reality.

But, of course, we were the ones living in the fantasy world. Zarqawi's thugs proved that.

The terrorists in Iraq have not yet successfully captured a single American soldier or marine. Lately, they have not been able to even capture contractors. Instead, they've aimed for the low lying fruit: The anti-war protesters.

All kinds of anti-war humanitarian groups and ultra-leftwing reporters are covering the Iraq War, specifically and intentionally for anti-American reasons. But, the terrorist groups don't care. When they see honkies, they see hostages.

For whatever reason, a lot of these anti-Americans come from the Northern Virginia area, so I have to hear of their plight ad nauseum. The latest is this wonderful lady, who was double-crossed when she intended to meet with a terror leader for an interview.

And, there was that last group, which was comprised of two Canadians, an Australian, a Briton, and of course, an NoVAn. Sucks to be them, since the media pretty much got bored of 'em after one-of-their-own was taken.

My advice to any Doves would be to stay in the United States, or Europe, or wherever, where you are safe. Not even the Big Bad Bush will hurt you here. But if you do go to Iraq or Afghanistan, please don't expect us to pull too many stings for your release when the beasts you are protecting turn on you.

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Sunday, January 29, 2006

Saddam Misbehavin'! 

Once again, the former tyrant has opted to make a mockery of his trial, and storm out of the courtroom.

The question is, why does the court allow him to do this? Where are the bailiffs?

If Saddam tries to leave, he should be forced back in his seat. His entire defense team should be held in contempt of court, and the lead troublemakers should be forced to resign the team (sort of like the legal equivolent of Marcus Vick).

Saddam wants to prove he still has power. The best thing the court could do is prove to him, once and for all, that he is entirely at their mercy.

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Refusing to Let It Go... 


It is a sad day when a Canadian company has more balls than any American company, but when it comes to the record labels, this definitely seems to be the case.

Apparently, the RIAA is suing for file-sharing of some Avril Levigne songs. The problem is, the company that has ownership, Nettwerk Music Group, has no problem with file-sharing.

The RIAA is as corrupt an organization as any is likely to find, and since they put healthy doses of money into campaign coffers, they get the government to back them up. Since the old farts in Congress and on the Judiciary understand file-sharing about as well as cavemen understood F-14s, they cannot form valid opinions of their own, and have to rely on what the kleptocrats at Sony tell them.

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Monday, January 23, 2006

Mandatory Annual Abortion Discussion 

So, the Religious Right and the Wacko Left are having their yearly stand-off to commemorate the Supreme Court decision forcing every state to legalize abortion in the first trimester, Roe v. Wade. Since no reasonable answer to this dilemma could possibly make anyone happy, I think the best analysis would be one that pisses everyone off.

Firstly, I believe that the terms we use in the abortion debate need to be changed. The terms "Pro-Life" and "Pro-Choice" are both simplistic doublespeak, designed to convey the wrong message about what the opposition stands for. The term Pro-Life makes it seem like everyone who is against abortion are "Anti-Life," i.e. Serial Killers. The term Pro-Choice is almost as bad, making it seem like opponents are anti-liberty fascists. If we want a reasoned debate, let us call each other what we really are; Pro-Abortion or Anti-Abortion.

Now, most Americans don't like the idea of abortion. It seems repugnant to reasonable people to shrivel up one's offspring for convenience. However, most Americans also don't like the idea of the government making philosophical and moral decisions for them. This has resulted in probably the most ideal situation for the abortion issue in the United States. Abortion is legal and readily available, but anyone who receives one is viewed as a disgusting whore.

Abortion does not need to be banned, as long as the stigma exists. And, there are some benefits to society from abortion. It has been suggested that, since they are mostly utilized by the lower class and unwed mothers, abortion acts as a preemptive death penalty, and keeps the streets safer. Also, as I have previously written, some believe that Roe may be directly responsible for the U.S. leaning more conservative since abortion's legalization.

There really is no way to properly discuss the issue without sounding vulgar. As I said, this whole debate is essentially over the right to shrivel your offspring in the womb. Sound disturbing? Well, it probably should.

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Friday, January 20, 2006

Why I Was Right About Terri Schiavo, At Least In Principle 

This from Brit Hume's page at FoxNews:

Signs of Life

Doctors were preparing to take 11-year-old Haleigh Poutre off life support less than 24 hours after the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruled the state could let her die — when the brain damaged girl suddenly showed signs of emerging from what her doctors had called a "hopeless" vegetative state.

Haleigh, who was burned and nearly beaten to death by her stepfather, began responding to stimuli and breathing on her own for the first time in four months. Still, the Department of Social Services defended their fight to take Haleigh off life support, saying the decision was based on the "best diagnosis that we thought we had at the time."

So, let's not be in such a rush to kill people for the sake of convenience, okay?

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Bin Laden wants a Truce? OMFGROFLMAOBBQ 

Osama bin Laden is once again claiming to still be alive. The CIA thinks his newest tape was recorded in late November, due to the Democratic talking points he spews.

Among his usual threats and sabre rattling, Osama suggests a truce in Iraq and Afghanistan. A truce!

He knows he cannot divide his resources between the Iraq, Afghanistan, Europe, and North America. George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld knew this too. Now, if we were insane (or had a Democrat as president) and fell for this idiot truce, Osama could reposition his operatives in the Continental US. After a few attacks disrupted our lives here beyond easy repair, he could resume his troublemaking in the fledgeling democracies.

Obviously, we can assume that our current administration is smart enough not to fall for this, and in all honesty, so too are most of the Democrats. I'm just wondering if Grandpa Murtha might not have another senior moment?

Meanwhile, in Iraq, the terrorists kidnapped a journalist, going against all those Geneva rules that the Libs seem to think govern this conflict. They want to exchange her for the release of some female Iraqi terrorists.

I think we should do it.

But not before surgically implanting them with a GPS device. Or maybe just something that a missile could home in on. C'mon, we all know the technology exists!

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Dear Fellow Conservatives 

This kind of shit is why everyone hates us. Remember when we used to cry because the Liberals tried to act like our babysitters? Why are you doing it now?

Here's an idea. How about Conservatives go back to lowering taxes, budget cuts, defending our nation from Reds and Terrorists, and possibly saving the unborn (time permitting). As for deciding what we can watch on television, let's leave that to mommy and daddy, okay?



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Freedom of Speech 

I love Freedom of Speech. It is a great thing. You think the government should punish people who say stupid things? I say, why? By exposing their idiocy, they punish themselves.

Pat Robertson, for example, has repeatedly made an ass of himself lately. Most recently, he said that Israel's Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon, suffered a stroke because he gave the Gaza Territories to the Palestinians. Keep in mind, Ariel Sharon is just short of 80 years old, looks to weigh well over 300 lbs, and probably has the single most stressful job on Earth. According to Rev. Robertson, this is all meaningless. He had a stroke because he made God mad, dagnabbit. Now, if we lived in a government that believed in censorship, we would never know how idiotic Robertson is, and we may actually give validity to his opinions.

Harry Belefonte, a one-hit-wonder musician from back before your parents listened to music, is another great example. Last week, he visited Hugo Chavez, the Presidente-Por-Vivre of Venezuela. He took it upon himself to speak for the American people and proclaim that we all support Venezuela's Socialist Revolution, and that George Bush is the greatest terrorist in the world.

Now, some people think we should punish Belefonte, or not allow him back into the United States. What would that accomplish? It would turn him into a Left-Wing martyr. However, by allowing him to enjoy his free speech, ironically supporting a government which might kill a private citizen for saying anything contrary to Belefonte's beliefs, we show that Belefonte is a hypocrite and a moron. After all, if Bush is so horrible, why would he return? Stalin's critics certainly didn't return to Russia if they escaped him. Ditto Saddam, Hitler, Pol Pot, and everyone else who deserved the title "dictator."

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No time right now for a full new blog, so here are just a couple of updates for previous blogs:

Marcus Vick proved he had not quite hit rock bottom yet. He has now fully transformed into a Billy Carter, a younger brother who ashames an otherwise respectable family.

DC Councilman Marion Barry has been caught with drugs in his system again. Oh, Mr. Barry, won't you ever learn? (Remember, if DC achieves statehood, this man will be a Senator.)

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Sunday, January 08, 2006

F The Post Office! 

I sent my phone bill today.

I just heard that the stamp fee has increased two cents.

Why the hell do we even still have a postal system? Useless dinosaur should be eliminated.

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Friday, January 06, 2006

Bye Bye Baby Vick! 


Wouldn't it be funny if he ended up on the same team as Terrell Owens?

We all hated him anyway, damn spoiled overrated punk.

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Thursday, January 05, 2006

District of Catastrophe 

Traffic problems aside, I really love living so close to DC. You couldn't buy the sort of entertainment we get for free.

The star comedian is the farce that is DC is of course, crack-head councilman/former mayor Marion Barry. Whenever things get dull in the news, this ass reemerges in some form or another. This week's episode features our hapless protagonist getting mugged. Rather ironic, since it was under his watch that DC became a dangerous cesspool. Perhaps it is for this reason that he does not want the muggers prosecuted. More likely, he knows that if he gains a reputation as a snitch, no one will sell him his crack anymore.

Meanwhile, the current mayor, Anthony Williams is trying his damdest to give into Major League Baseball's extortion schemes. MLB essentially wants DC, a city so poor that they cannot guarantee that their schools will open before November on any given year, to buy them a billion dollar stadium in some of the most valuable real estate in the city. And they want it for free. And MLB wants full profits for the naming rights of the stadium. And advertising in the stadium. And of course, all the tickets and concession profits. What does DC get out of this deal? Hopefully, it will rejuvinate business in SouthEast. Maybe.

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